Tucker Carlson’s under-supervised hyperactive child, the Daily Caller, is currently suggesting, unironically, that Mitt Romney enlist Newt Gingrich as a prominent campaign emissary. It is possibly the worst column we’ve read this year.
Why should Romney call upon Gingrich, a nationally loathsome figure whose protracted book-tour threatened to tear the G.O.P. asunder? Metaphors, that’s why. “When a building is on fire, you call firemen,” Yates Walker, “conservative activist,” begins. “When your house is being robbed, you call the police. When the liberal press is mugging a conservative, you call Newt Gingrich.” Well, in a literal mugging, you would probably calling the police again, no? But this appears to be a metaphor within a metaphor—a meta-metaphor.
The Daily Caller’s Walker continues: “Mitt needs to be attacking every day—pointed attacks, attacks that sting, attacks that demand a response. . . attacks like Newt fires in his sleep.” Does one “fire” and “attack,” or is this another meta-metaphor? Or a third, even dumber thing, a meta-meta-metaphor?
Tucker Carlson’s a total asshole, and Newt is probably the biggest douchebag politician we’ve had to suffer in the last thirty years or so. And that’s saying a lot.
Read the rest at vanityfair.com.